What Adult Tantrums Look Like

Let’s be honest: just because we grow older does not mean we automatically learn how to handle big emotions. Many of us were never taught what to do with feelings like frustration, overwhelm, rejection, or shame. We were told to “get over it,” “suck it up,” or “stop being dramatic.” So instead of learning to process our emotions in healthy, grounded ways, we learned to bottle them up, ignore them, or let them explode when it became too much.

And this is how adult tantrums happen.

They may not involve tears and toy-throwing like childhood tantrums, but make no mistake, they are tantrums all the same. And most of us have had one. Here are a few common behaviors that signal emotional overload, even if they do not “look” like a meltdown.

1. The silent treatment

Not taking a moment to breathe or process, but going cold, shutting down, or refusing to communicate for hours or days. It’s often a coping mechanism rooted in avoidance or control.

2. Overreacting to small triggers

When a minor inconvenience sparks a major outburst, it is rarely about the thing that just happened. That slammed drawer or sharp tone is often years of suppressed emotion finally erupting.

3. Withdrawing emotionally

Disappearing emotionally from your relationships, refusing to engage, or icing someone out is another form of dysregulation, especially if it is a repeated pattern.

4. Passive-aggressive comments or sarcasm

Instead of naming hurt or disappointment directly, the emotions come out in indirect jabs, sarcasm, or moodiness. It is a way of expressing pain without vulnerability.

5. Controlling or manipulative behavior

When you feel emotionally unsafe, it is tempting to try to control situations or people. But control is not connection. And manipulation is often a mask for fear.

Why do these “tantrums” happen?

Because your nervous system is overwhelmed. Because you were never given the language to explain your emotions safely. Because you might still be running on old survival patterns that helped you get through childhood, but are now harming your adult relationships.

Adult tantrums are emotional flashbacks. Your body remembers what your mind has pushed away. When that pain gets stirred, rejection, abandonment, loss of control, it shows up as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. You are not a bad person. You are not broken. You are overwhelmed, and your inner world is asking for attention.

What to do instead:

1. Start with awareness, not shame

Notice your emotional patterns without judgment. Ask yourself:

• What was I really feeling in that moment?

• Where did I learn to react this way?

• What need was not being met?

Self-awareness softens defensiveness and opens the door to real change.

2. Regulate before you respond

If you feel like you are about to snap, pause. Literally. Walk away. Drink water. Breathe deeply. Journal. Your brain cannot respond wisely when your nervous system is in survival mode. Give yourself space to settle, not suppress.

3. Communicate clearly, even if it feels uncomfortable

Say things like:

• “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and I need a few minutes.”

• “I know I shut down. I want to talk, but I need a bit of time.”

• “I’m not proud of how I reacted. Can we talk about what came up for me?”

This takes practice, but it builds trust with the people who love you.

4. Get support for the deeper work

Often, adult tantrums are symptoms of unresolved trauma, unprocessed grief, or childhood emotional neglect. Therapy is not about blame; it is about freedom. It gives you tools to respond with clarity, not just reaction. It helps you meet your emotions instead of running from them. You do not have to figure it all out alone.

If you have ever slammed a door, shut down for days, snapped at someone you love, or said something out of anger, you are not the only one. But that behavior is not the end of your story. You can learn to self-soothe. You can learn to stay present. You can learn to express your emotions without breaking yourself—or others—in the process.

Healing does not mean you will never feel overwhelmed. It means you will know what to do when you are.

At GabbyCares, we help you unpack emotional patterns, build regulation tools, and create healthier ways of showing up in your relationships and for yourself.

📧 Book your therapy session by emailing contact@gabbycaresofsouthfl.com  📞 Or call 786-490-5988