Think about the last time you faced off in a conversation that felt like a no-win situation. It's like you're playing a game of verbal ping-pong with someone who won't let you score, ever. If that 'someone' often seems to be a narcissist, I've got a lifeline for you – it's called the D.E.E.P. technique, and it's about to become your new best friend in handling these tough conversations. No more feeling drained or defeated.
Let's walk through this together, step by step, so you can feel heard and stay true to yourself.
D is for Don't Defend
When dealing with a narcissist, our instinct might be to defend our perspective, to validate our truth. But here's the thing: a narcissist often isn't interested in understanding you. They might be more focused on winning the conversation or proving their point. So why exhaust yourself in a battle that isn't about seeking truth but about asserting dominance?
It's like offering a detailed map to someone who refuses to acknowledge that they're lost. Instead, conserve your energy. Stand firm in your beliefs without feeling the need to make the narcissist see your compass. Your truth doesn't need their validation to be valid.
E is for Don't Engage
The bait of a narcissist can be subtle or glaringly obvious – a snide remark here, a backhanded compliment there. These are hooks meant to reel you into their game of manipulation. The key is not to bite.
Share information if you must, but let it be brief and factual. Imagine you're giving a weather report – it's succinct, it's factual, and it's impersonal. There's no need for a dramatic narrative, just a straightforward account of what is.
E is for Don't Explain
Have you ever tried explaining color to someone who sees the world in black and white? That's what explaining yourself to a narcissist can feel like. They may not be interested in the spectrum of your experiences or emotions. Protecting your peace means recognizing when a conversation is not a dialogue but a monologue disguised as concern.
There's a power in silence, in choosing not to divulge the chapters of your story to someone who's only skimming through the book. Keep some pages closed, and embrace the tranquility that comes with privacy.
P is for Don't Personalize
The actions of a narcissist are a reflection of their inner world, not a measure of your worth. Personalizing their behavior is like believing the weather is a reaction to your mood – it's inaccurate and a burden no one should bear. Their criticisms, their anger, their indifference – these are clouds in their sky, not yours. It's essential to detach and realize that you're not the cause or the cure for their storm. You are the sky beyond, vast and undisturbed.
The D.E.E.P. technique is about preserving your essence in the face of those who might not recognize its value. It doesn't mean you're giving up on relationships or closing the door to communication. On the contrary, it's about engaging in interactions that honor your well-being and respect your boundaries. It's about knowing when to drop the anchor and when to sail on.
"It doesn't mean you're giving up on relationships or closing the door to communication."
The next time you find yourself facing the gale of a narcissist's wrath or the undercurrent of their manipulation, remember the D.E.E.P. technique. Stay strong, stay true to yourself. If you need healing from narcissistic abuse, we look forward to seeing you in therapy. Book your session by emailing us at contact@gabbycaresofsouthfl.com or call us at 786-490-5988.