The life of a mother is full of responsibility. You are someone’s caregiver, spouse, daughter, sister, friend, and boss. It can feel like you are always pouring into other people’s cups while receiving very little in return. You keep giving and giving until there’s very little left for you. You may not even notice this depletion because it’s masked as a normal part of life.
Sometimes you just want to feel like a little girl again; running across a flower field with your hair flowing freely in the wind with no responsibilities. You want to receive the same care you give to others so freely and wholeheartedly. You need affirmation and comfort for your sometimes fragile heart and teary eyes.
“I’m so proud of you”
is something you hope to hear from someone you love because you don’t think that anyone sees how hard you’re trying.
You are a nurturer at heart and it’s time you channel that towards yourself. Self-mothering is about building your capacity to meet your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. It’s a radical act of self-love and self-care. Mothering yourself is about self-preservation so that you can live a life full enough for you, your babies, and your loved ones.
A mother needs mothering too and here’s how you can do that for yourself;
Practice actively listening to yourself. Tune in to yourself to listen to your thoughts, needs, desires, and wants. Often sit in silence, journal, go for a walk, or take time away from socializing so that you can pay attention to your stream of thoughts and feelings. In those moments you spend with yourself, compliment and encourage yourself for the smallest things. With time, your mind and heart will be a safe space for you.
Give yourself what you needed as a child. If you could go back and be a child again, how would you want to be nurtured by your mother? It could be; getting support for your dreams, positive and gentle discipline, protection from abuse, expression of emotions, availability, etc. Make note of what you could have done differently then meet that need for yourself. Your inner child’s freedom is dependent on your choice to reparent yourself.
Be tender with yourself. You are learning so much at once and unlearning in the same breath. You need all the grace you can get as you continually try to find your way around life. Tenderness is understanding yourself and the struggles you’ve been through. It’s meeting your inner critic with kindness so that she can learn to be compassionate with you. Tenderness is self-forgiveness and making space for yourself to go through this life as a work in progress.
Focus on the good you have already done. Make a mental note of everything you think you’ve been doing right so far no matter how small. It could be something as mundane as cleaning the house or making it through a tough week. Those small wins matter and they’re the ones that make life worth celebrating. Reward and congratulate your own effort. If it helps, get yourself tokens of appreciation once in a while.
Build a self-care system that supports your well-being. Get the basics right; healthy food, rest, and exercise. Simplify your self-care as much as you can by adopting the habits that feel most nurturing to you. These habits can include prioritizing your tasks, setting healthy boundaries, streamlining your processes, setting up routines, organizing, decluttering, time management, gratitude practice, delegating, etc.
The reward of self-mothering is the joy that comes from showing up for yourself. When you are fully present with who you are, you can be present for others. Mothering yourself ensures that your children have the mother they deserve. If this concept is tough for you or if you still don’t know where to begin, we’re happy to help you. Schedule your free consultation call today.