You have probably read or heard about relationship red flags a couple of times and you’ve become better at spotting them. A red flag is a warning sign that something is off with someone like controlling behavior or abuse. A green flag is a good sign that someone is worth exploring a relationship with. With all the negative press that relationships get, it’s essential to know when we’re getting into relationships that are good for us too.
The truth is that nobody is perfect - we all have strengths and weaknesses so green flags are not a matter of finding perfection in someone. Just like the traffic color green means that it’s safe to cross or drive forward, think of green flags as invitations to form a relationship with someone. They are the indicating factors that the relationship could be healthy or good for you. This is not just for romantic relationships but for friendships and other partnerships.
Green flags to look out for are:
You feel safe expressing your identity, emotions, opinions, and thoughts. A relationship is a safe place to land whether you’re having the best day or going through some tough times. There’s no shame or judgment and you don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells or forced to overthink issues. All sides of you feel seen, heard, and appreciated. You don’t shrink or expand yourself to fit into the relationship. This person has seen you at your worst and they’ve loved you regardless. They also don’t dismiss or belittle your different opinions or ways of doing things.
They put in the effort for you. They are intentional about doing their part in the relationship. They make time to see you or nurture the relationship despite busy schedules. You don’t second-guess their commitment to you because they’ve proven time and again that you can depend on them. They support you through life’s struggles and transitions. They don’t make you feel like you are a burden when you ask for help and they often offer to help you.
They respect your boundaries. They are not offended when you establish a personal boundary or express your needs or discomfort. They seek to respect you and make you feel the most comfortable. You are at ease telling them about your needs because you know that you’ll be heard. Most people are uncomfortable with boundaries so it’s a green flag when someone is accepting and respecting your personal limits with them.
Their words match their actions. They do what they say and they keep their promises. It’s not about fulfilling the big stuff as much as it is about the small stuff. They call you when they say they will. They show up for dates and appointments. They help you with the projects and errands they said they would. They don’t always have a bag of excuses for why they keep failing you. This person remembers what you tell them and when they don’t, they apologize and make it up to you. It’s the small stuff that will tell you if they can keep their big promises.
They resolve conflicts in calm and rational ways. They don’t result in abuse of any form; mental, emotional, or physical when you have disagreements. They apologize when they’ve wronged you and accept accountability for their mistakes. They focus on working through the problem with you instead of shifting blame, raising their voice, or playing mind games. They are willing to communicate even when it’s uncomfortable. Please note that not everyone knows how to fight fairly in relationships and if that’s the case, they should be willing to learn better conflict resolution methods.
Green flags can also be personalized to preferences like knowing what the most important things are to you in a relationship. As much as it’s essential to look out for green flags, it’s also paramount that you have the green flags. Be the kind of person you’d want to date, marry or partner with. Embody the best qualities you wish to see in others. To find the right people, you need to be the right person so that it’s easy to spot the green flags.
People who’ve been in abusive relationships or have relationship trauma may have a hard time spotting green flags. If this is you, kindly schedule your consultation call today and we can work together to help you become the healthiest version of yourself who is good at spotting green flags and setting boundaries.